Boundaries can be emotional, physical, mental, or even digital. They help us express:
- What we’re comfortable with
- What we’re not willing to tolerate
- What we need to feel safe and valued
Contrary to the myth that boundaries are selfish, they actually create the conditions for healthier, more respectful relationships. Without them, we risk overextending ourselves and becoming emotionally depleted.
Why Some People Ignore Boundaries
When someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries, it may say more about them than you. Common reasons include:
- A sense of entitlement: They believe their needs should come first.
- Control or manipulation: They test limits to maintain dominance.
- Poor emotional awareness: They may not understand or respect emotional cues.
- Familiar patterns: If they’re used to you saying “yes,” a “no” can feel like rejection or rebellion.
This is especially common in narcissistic dynamics, where boundaries are viewed as threats rather than natural parts of a relationship.
Also Read- Bereavement Counselling vs Talking to Friends: What’s the Difference?
How to Balance Your Boundaries
- Get clear on your non-negotiables
Ask yourself: What do I need to feel emotionally safe? Be specific. This could be, “I need time to myself after work” or “I won’t engage in conversations where I’m being shouted at.” - Communicate assertively — not aggressively
Use “I” statements. For example:
“I feel overwhelmed when you text me multiple times a day about the same issue. I need space to respond on my own time.” - Stay consistent
Inconsistency gives the message that your boundaries are flexible. Repetition isn’t rude — it’s necessary. - Let go of over-explaining
You don’t need to justify your boundary. “No” is a full sentence, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
When Someone Repeatedly Ignores Your Boundaries
If someone continues to overstep, you may need to take further action. Here’s how:
1. Follow Through with Consequences
Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. If you’ve said, “If you speak to me that way again, I will leave the conversation,” follow through when it happens. This teaches others that your boundaries are real.
2. Stop Arguing or Explaining
Some people will try to pull you into debates to wear you down. Instead of engaging, calmly restate your boundary:
“I’ve already shared my boundary with you. I won’t be discussing this further.”
3. Limit or Cut Contact if Needed
If someone chronically disrespects you, despite multiple clear requests, it may be time to reassess the role they play in your life. This doesn’t make you cruel — it makes you self-protective. Your mental health matters.
4. Seek Support
Talking to a therapist or trusted support network can help validate your experience and strengthen your resolve. Boundary violations can be isolating, especially if you’re being gaslit into thinking you’re “too sensitive” or “difficult.”
Also Read- The Role of Counselling in Managing Digital Burnout and Screen Fatigue
Final Thoughts
Balancing boundaries takes courage, especially in relationships where the other person resists change. But healthy boundaries are not walls — they are gates. They let in what nourishes you and keep out what harms you.
If someone refuses to honour your limits, despite respectful, consistent communication, the issue lies with their lack of respect — not your assertion of needs.
Remember: you are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your boundaries. You are responsible for your own wellbeing — and that’s a responsibility worth taking seriously.
Need support around setting or maintaining boundaries?
At Past2Present Counselling and Psychotherapy Services, we work with clients to build inner clarity and confidence around boundary-setting, especially in complex or high-conflict relationships.
Reach out today for a confidential, compassionate conversation
