There’s a kind of silence that follows certain kinds of trauma—a silence not born from peace, but from shock, shame, and confusion.
For many survivors of sexual assault, particularly when alcohol is involved, the silence becomes its own kind of prison.
Not only because of what happened, but because of how society often responds to what happened.
“Were you drunk?”
“Did you say no?”
“Are you sure that’s what happened?”
These questions—spoken or implied—can make the survivor question their own reality. And that questioning, that self-doubt, is one of the cruelest consequences of this kind of violence.
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It Wasn’t Your Fault
If you’ve experienced sexual assault while under the influence of alcohol, I want to say this as clearly as I can:
You are not to blame.
Being impaired does not mean you consented. Not remembering everything does not mean it didn’t happen. Having said yes earlier in the night does not justify what happened later. You did not “ask for it.” You did not deserve it.
Sex without consent is rape. And consent cannot be given when someone is unconscious, incapacitated, or unable to make informed choices.
You do not need to remember everything clearly in order to be believed. What matters is how your body responded, what you felt after, and what you are living with now.
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Trauma Doesn’t Follow Logic
The aftermath of sexual assault often doesn’t look like what people expect. You might have:
- Memory gaps or confusion
- Panic, shame, or dissociation
- A need to minimize, downplay, or rationalize the event
- Self-blame, disgust, or hyper-awareness of your body
- Anxiety or fear around sex, intimacy, or even touch
- A sense that part of you “shut down” and hasn’t come back
These are not signs of weakness. They are the body and mind trying to cope with something overwhelming.
Alcohol doesn’t erase trauma. It often complicates it—because survivors feel less “entitled” to their pain, and more likely to blame themselves.
But trauma is still trauma, even if the memory is hazy. Even if no one else saw it. Even if you still second-guess yourself.
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“I Haven’t Told Anyone”
So many survivors carry this in secret. Out of fear of not being believed. Out of shame. Out of the belief that what happened “wasn’t bad enough” to count as rape.
But the body remembers, even when the mind can’t—or won’t.
You might find yourself feeling low without knowing why. Feeling unsafe in relationships, in intimacy, in your own skin. Feeling rage, sadness, numbness, or nothing at all.
This is the long shadow of trauma. And it deserves a voice.
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Therapy Can Be a Safe Place to Begin
At Past2Present Counselling and Psychotherapy Services, I offer a non-judgemental, trauma-informed space where you can explore the impact of what happened—at your pace, in your way. There is no “right” way to heal. No timeline. Just a willingness to turn toward the pain with gentleness, and to reclaim what was taken: your sense of safety, your voice, your wholeness.
In therapy, we can work with:
- Guilt and shame
- Fear, anxiety, and panic responses
- Boundaries and body autonomy
- Reconnecting with a sense of self-worth and identity
- Processing trauma that has been silenced for years
You are not broken. You are not alone.
And you deserve support that sees all of your story—not just the parts the world is comfortable hearing.
A Final Word
If you’re reading this and carrying something painful that no one knows, I want you to know this: your pain is valid. Your story matters, even if you haven’t said it aloud yet. And healing is possible—even when it feels far away.
You don’t have to carry it alone anymore
